May I be Frank?
Hi my name is Frank and I have anger management issues and stress! Ok no my name is still Sarah or mom depending on who you are but the later part is still true. Stuff bothers me, often to the point of boiling over. I get angry easily and then I get stressed out over being angry. If I could just learn to let it roll off or go with the flow my life would be so much simpler. Instead I see an injustice in the world that I can not make right and the hot lava of anger starts to flow. Will I never learn?
Of course the anger only accounts for part of the stress. My son lost his shoes yesterday. I did not realize the shoes were missing until it was time to leave for an appointment so in looking for the shoes I lost it. My throat hurt from screaming and he got to go out with mix matched shoes on his feet. At least I found one shoe for each foot or we really would have been in for it. Last week this would not have bothered me so much this week I am stressed and it really bothered me.
Brent started drinking again. Not getting drunk but the very fact that he is drinking stresses me out. Yes he knows how I feel. This is something out of my control it may very well be out of his control. I am praying about it but it stresses me out. The parts of life beyond my control are sometimes the very things that push me to the edge.
Memories stress me. Today last year Brent was packing up for his third six month deployment. He left October 22 and on October 24 my younger sister passed away. They are just memories but the emotion they bring are real. My sisters passing was as expected as Brent's leaving yet both of them brought pain and sadness. Actually Debbie's death brought peace after a long battle with sickness and after a life spent in a wheelchair she is now free. Most days I am happy she is gone but not this week.
Christmas is coming which is usually a very happy time for me but part of me is dreading it this year. It too has memories surrounding it that seem to be filling my head. Last Christmas was a nightmare. It actually ended in a fight with my mother. Considering the fact that I am not confrontational at all that is a pretty big deal. I thought I had let it all go and moved on but for some reason this week it really bothers me.
Writing all of this down actually feels good I knew I started blogging for a reason. The stress is starting to lift.
Now last night Brent was great and this morning too. The minute I texted him saying I had had it, I was done and dinner was coming from a drive thru he was on it. He brought home dinner, he was prepared with puckered lips giving me all the kisses I could handle and he was helpful with the kids. He sat with me as I got lost in Season 6 of Bones we actually went through 3 episodes last night after the kids went to bed.
This morning he listened as I explained my plans for running away on Saturday which included him helping the kids do their jobs. He even vetoed my suggestion of just locking myself in our room and said no you can take off. He was on top of getting the kids up and ready for school this morning taking care of things I usually do on top of his normal routine. I know the stress will subside I know the anger will melt away. I just wish days like yesterday never happened at all.
Oh shoes were found by the way. I actually found the last missing shoe as I was writing this and keeping Kadynce entertained. She hid it in one of her purses right here by my chair in the office. I guess I can laugh about it now. Justice has no lasting damage from my shoe rant yesterday actually I am pretty sure he thought he was super cool wearing two different shoes.
I guess I am normal. Even super hero's have to be normal sometimes!! Consider this your window into the bad days at my house. The day that if you showed up at my door I would probably have to find a picture of smiling face to paste over my scowl. It is one of those days that I certainly eat for emotion sake while praying "Lord please do something about my attitude! And remove all the calories from this milk shake!!" . It is ok to be normal, as long as we learn something from those bad days. I need to stop dwelling and brooding. Perhaps folding the laundry while I pray is not as affective. Some days I just need a break. And some days it might be amusing to leave the hubby with five kids while I just get away.
Time for "Frank" to go. I have kids to pick up, places to go and things to see not to mention all the things I need to do.
Of course the anger only accounts for part of the stress. My son lost his shoes yesterday. I did not realize the shoes were missing until it was time to leave for an appointment so in looking for the shoes I lost it. My throat hurt from screaming and he got to go out with mix matched shoes on his feet. At least I found one shoe for each foot or we really would have been in for it. Last week this would not have bothered me so much this week I am stressed and it really bothered me.
Brent started drinking again. Not getting drunk but the very fact that he is drinking stresses me out. Yes he knows how I feel. This is something out of my control it may very well be out of his control. I am praying about it but it stresses me out. The parts of life beyond my control are sometimes the very things that push me to the edge.
Memories stress me. Today last year Brent was packing up for his third six month deployment. He left October 22 and on October 24 my younger sister passed away. They are just memories but the emotion they bring are real. My sisters passing was as expected as Brent's leaving yet both of them brought pain and sadness. Actually Debbie's death brought peace after a long battle with sickness and after a life spent in a wheelchair she is now free. Most days I am happy she is gone but not this week.
Christmas is coming which is usually a very happy time for me but part of me is dreading it this year. It too has memories surrounding it that seem to be filling my head. Last Christmas was a nightmare. It actually ended in a fight with my mother. Considering the fact that I am not confrontational at all that is a pretty big deal. I thought I had let it all go and moved on but for some reason this week it really bothers me.
Writing all of this down actually feels good I knew I started blogging for a reason. The stress is starting to lift.
Now last night Brent was great and this morning too. The minute I texted him saying I had had it, I was done and dinner was coming from a drive thru he was on it. He brought home dinner, he was prepared with puckered lips giving me all the kisses I could handle and he was helpful with the kids. He sat with me as I got lost in Season 6 of Bones we actually went through 3 episodes last night after the kids went to bed.
This morning he listened as I explained my plans for running away on Saturday which included him helping the kids do their jobs. He even vetoed my suggestion of just locking myself in our room and said no you can take off. He was on top of getting the kids up and ready for school this morning taking care of things I usually do on top of his normal routine. I know the stress will subside I know the anger will melt away. I just wish days like yesterday never happened at all.
Oh shoes were found by the way. I actually found the last missing shoe as I was writing this and keeping Kadynce entertained. She hid it in one of her purses right here by my chair in the office. I guess I can laugh about it now. Justice has no lasting damage from my shoe rant yesterday actually I am pretty sure he thought he was super cool wearing two different shoes.
I guess I am normal. Even super hero's have to be normal sometimes!! Consider this your window into the bad days at my house. The day that if you showed up at my door I would probably have to find a picture of smiling face to paste over my scowl. It is one of those days that I certainly eat for emotion sake while praying "Lord please do something about my attitude! And remove all the calories from this milk shake!!" . It is ok to be normal, as long as we learn something from those bad days. I need to stop dwelling and brooding. Perhaps folding the laundry while I pray is not as affective. Some days I just need a break. And some days it might be amusing to leave the hubby with five kids while I just get away.
Time for "Frank" to go. I have kids to pick up, places to go and things to see not to mention all the things I need to do.
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