Thoughts and Prayers
With Blogger being down most of yesterday and today I had a lot of time to think about just how to write this post. Now that I am sitting down to write it I know just what I will do. I am going to wing it like all the rest.
On Saturday May 7th we went to a cook out at a friends house. Nearly the entire K9 crew was there. A large group of rowdy guys drinking and having fun a small group of moms trying to keep track of the dozen plus kids running around. It was normal K9 comradery. Meagan was there with her three kids, her husband deployed just a few months ago. She mentioned to me that he was supposed to go "outside the wire" it was not the first time but between the two of us that term meant prayer. I raised my eye brows in acknowledgement and nothing more was said. The night went on and I left with my kids around 9pm.
Shortly after 11pm I woke up to my phone. Brent was calling me and the words that came out of his mouth did not make sense. He must have been playing a cruel joke so I made him repeat it. Ben Meagan's husband our friend had stepped on a land mine and they don't know yet but he might loose his leg. No no no that just could not be true they must have made a mistake. I hung up the phone and sat in the dark, in the silence and waited. Finally at almost 2am I got a text, Meagan needed me to notify the church. I must say we have an awesome church with awesome pastors. I did not hesitate to send a text to our pastor who sent a reply right back. Prayer for Ben and Charlie his K9 had been set in motion. Then more waiting...
Information came in slowly and sometimes a little confusing over the next two days but it pretty much looked like this in the end. Another Airman out on patrol with Ben stepped on a land mine. He lost his leg and that is unfortunately all I know of his situation. As they were moving away from the area Ben stepped on a second land mine. The blast caused Ben to loose his left foot and Charlie got a few shrapnel wounds along with ruptured ear drums. Ben required surgery before he could be sent out of country to Germany. Once Ben arrived in Germany he needed a second surgery and was state side by Tuesday night. Ben had his fourth and hopefully last surgery today. Healing, rehab, a prosthetic lower leg and foot and a promising future doing what he loves are what is next on his list. Charlie is still in Afghanistan waiting for his ears to heal before he can be brought back to North Carolina. He has served his country well and will be retired and adopted by Ben and Meagan as soon as they are ready.
Several times over the past five years I have been told that I am strong. Strong as a mother, strong as a wife, strong for being a part of this military life. For the record no one has seen strong, no one has met strong until they have met Meagan. She held herself together when most women would completely fall apart. She had high spirits and held on to her faith. She was more then ready to face the unknown as long as it meant she was doing it holding her husbands hand. Meagan is the most amazing military wife I have ever met.
Our entire K9 family has had to process this tragic event and I think we all did it differently. For Brent and I it went like this. I spent Sunday cooking because when the world is falling apart there is nothing more soothing then baking pumpkin pie and smelling a turkey. Plus it was already part of the Mother's Day plan. I also spent the day assuring Brent that because this war has caused so many lose of limb injuries the medical advancement in that area meant Ben's life would be able to go back to "normal". Normal not meaning what he had before but normal meaning what he will make of it now. We spent the day just talking to each other and waiting for more news to trickle in. Another K9 family was providing dinner for Meagan and her family that night so Brent and I took over Monday night.
I started my Monday with a shopping trip to Walmart. That is where the anger set in. I was close to shaking by the time I left the store. Having to go back to get a different stack of paper plates because the one I grabbed would not ring up and the woman checking me out was not going to call someone to get the price did not help my state of mind any either. I was angry that Ben got hurt, I was angry that the other guy got hurt, I was angered by the thought that if it had not been Ben then it could have been someone else who was part of our K9 family, I was angry about the fact that we are at war to begin with that we have to send our men and women away to fight. I was just plain old angry. And at that moment I could have given up everything to wipe out every terrorist on the planet. Obviously I was not thinking clearly and I did pull myself together after I put a few miles and a few hours between myself and the stupid lady at the Walmart check out. Monday was a busy day for me which was good. We took the meal to Meagan's house and got to say good bye to her three children. Meagan was not home so I did not get to give her the hug I wanted to but that might be a good thing since I would have broke down crying if I had. She joined Ben Tuesday night and they will not be coming back until he is released to come home.
Saying good bye to the friend I had gotten used to spending my weekends with was hard. Saying good bye to her three kids was hard. Trying to imagine what it felt like for her to see Ben for the first time was excruciating. I can not even imagine it. We were getting text updates from two of Brent's co-workers who joined Meagan at the hospital for Ben's arrival. When they texted that Ben had arrived and Meagan was going in to see him first Brent and I just threw our arms around each other. The feelings and emotions that were running through our heads had to be 100 fold in theirs. It took my breath away and then Brent took over reassuring me that everything would be ok. Telling me that our medical advancements will ensure a normal life. He knew that I needed someone to tell me it was all going to work out because fear had taken over my mind.
Brent had to process all of this as a K9 handler with Ben being his brother in arms. I had to process this as a military wife with Meagan being one of my closest friends. Together we had to process it as a husband and wife wondering how we would handle each moment if the tables had been turned and it was us going through the tragedy.
Last night once we were able to breath again, laugh again and talk to each other in terms that went beyond reassurance I told Brent I did not want him going back. I never want him to go back, a deployment is not fun but this time it is different. Brent immediately told me he is definitely going back. He was not being mean or gung-ho he was just being realistic. He understood how I felt he said himself this hit to close to home. In the 11 years he has been in this is the first friend we have had hurt like this. We have had friends get hurt, Brent has had a friend die unexpectedly not related to the war, we have lost K9's and Brent has had close calls and bells rung but it has never felt like this. The proportion and impact of this event is so much bigger for some reason. It has not been easy and our thoughts and prayers will continue to be with Ben and Meagan.
Life for us goes on we are still getting used to post deployment life together. I am still trying to get used to the fact that Brent came home a month earlier then I had planned. He threw all my plans off balance but I would not change a thing. I am so glad he was home to help me go through what has been one of the hardest events I have had to endure as a friend, I am glad he was here for me to help him. Together we are always stronger. Now I am going to go figure out some dinner sorry no real menu this week I will try to put one together next week. I want to spend some more time staring at my handsome man. Life is precious and unexpected so enjoy it while you can and pray when you can't!
On Saturday May 7th we went to a cook out at a friends house. Nearly the entire K9 crew was there. A large group of rowdy guys drinking and having fun a small group of moms trying to keep track of the dozen plus kids running around. It was normal K9 comradery. Meagan was there with her three kids, her husband deployed just a few months ago. She mentioned to me that he was supposed to go "outside the wire" it was not the first time but between the two of us that term meant prayer. I raised my eye brows in acknowledgement and nothing more was said. The night went on and I left with my kids around 9pm.
Shortly after 11pm I woke up to my phone. Brent was calling me and the words that came out of his mouth did not make sense. He must have been playing a cruel joke so I made him repeat it. Ben Meagan's husband our friend had stepped on a land mine and they don't know yet but he might loose his leg. No no no that just could not be true they must have made a mistake. I hung up the phone and sat in the dark, in the silence and waited. Finally at almost 2am I got a text, Meagan needed me to notify the church. I must say we have an awesome church with awesome pastors. I did not hesitate to send a text to our pastor who sent a reply right back. Prayer for Ben and Charlie his K9 had been set in motion. Then more waiting...
Information came in slowly and sometimes a little confusing over the next two days but it pretty much looked like this in the end. Another Airman out on patrol with Ben stepped on a land mine. He lost his leg and that is unfortunately all I know of his situation. As they were moving away from the area Ben stepped on a second land mine. The blast caused Ben to loose his left foot and Charlie got a few shrapnel wounds along with ruptured ear drums. Ben required surgery before he could be sent out of country to Germany. Once Ben arrived in Germany he needed a second surgery and was state side by Tuesday night. Ben had his fourth and hopefully last surgery today. Healing, rehab, a prosthetic lower leg and foot and a promising future doing what he loves are what is next on his list. Charlie is still in Afghanistan waiting for his ears to heal before he can be brought back to North Carolina. He has served his country well and will be retired and adopted by Ben and Meagan as soon as they are ready.
Several times over the past five years I have been told that I am strong. Strong as a mother, strong as a wife, strong for being a part of this military life. For the record no one has seen strong, no one has met strong until they have met Meagan. She held herself together when most women would completely fall apart. She had high spirits and held on to her faith. She was more then ready to face the unknown as long as it meant she was doing it holding her husbands hand. Meagan is the most amazing military wife I have ever met.
Our entire K9 family has had to process this tragic event and I think we all did it differently. For Brent and I it went like this. I spent Sunday cooking because when the world is falling apart there is nothing more soothing then baking pumpkin pie and smelling a turkey. Plus it was already part of the Mother's Day plan. I also spent the day assuring Brent that because this war has caused so many lose of limb injuries the medical advancement in that area meant Ben's life would be able to go back to "normal". Normal not meaning what he had before but normal meaning what he will make of it now. We spent the day just talking to each other and waiting for more news to trickle in. Another K9 family was providing dinner for Meagan and her family that night so Brent and I took over Monday night.
I started my Monday with a shopping trip to Walmart. That is where the anger set in. I was close to shaking by the time I left the store. Having to go back to get a different stack of paper plates because the one I grabbed would not ring up and the woman checking me out was not going to call someone to get the price did not help my state of mind any either. I was angry that Ben got hurt, I was angry that the other guy got hurt, I was angered by the thought that if it had not been Ben then it could have been someone else who was part of our K9 family, I was angry about the fact that we are at war to begin with that we have to send our men and women away to fight. I was just plain old angry. And at that moment I could have given up everything to wipe out every terrorist on the planet. Obviously I was not thinking clearly and I did pull myself together after I put a few miles and a few hours between myself and the stupid lady at the Walmart check out. Monday was a busy day for me which was good. We took the meal to Meagan's house and got to say good bye to her three children. Meagan was not home so I did not get to give her the hug I wanted to but that might be a good thing since I would have broke down crying if I had. She joined Ben Tuesday night and they will not be coming back until he is released to come home.
Saying good bye to the friend I had gotten used to spending my weekends with was hard. Saying good bye to her three kids was hard. Trying to imagine what it felt like for her to see Ben for the first time was excruciating. I can not even imagine it. We were getting text updates from two of Brent's co-workers who joined Meagan at the hospital for Ben's arrival. When they texted that Ben had arrived and Meagan was going in to see him first Brent and I just threw our arms around each other. The feelings and emotions that were running through our heads had to be 100 fold in theirs. It took my breath away and then Brent took over reassuring me that everything would be ok. Telling me that our medical advancements will ensure a normal life. He knew that I needed someone to tell me it was all going to work out because fear had taken over my mind.
Brent had to process all of this as a K9 handler with Ben being his brother in arms. I had to process this as a military wife with Meagan being one of my closest friends. Together we had to process it as a husband and wife wondering how we would handle each moment if the tables had been turned and it was us going through the tragedy.
Last night once we were able to breath again, laugh again and talk to each other in terms that went beyond reassurance I told Brent I did not want him going back. I never want him to go back, a deployment is not fun but this time it is different. Brent immediately told me he is definitely going back. He was not being mean or gung-ho he was just being realistic. He understood how I felt he said himself this hit to close to home. In the 11 years he has been in this is the first friend we have had hurt like this. We have had friends get hurt, Brent has had a friend die unexpectedly not related to the war, we have lost K9's and Brent has had close calls and bells rung but it has never felt like this. The proportion and impact of this event is so much bigger for some reason. It has not been easy and our thoughts and prayers will continue to be with Ben and Meagan.
Life for us goes on we are still getting used to post deployment life together. I am still trying to get used to the fact that Brent came home a month earlier then I had planned. He threw all my plans off balance but I would not change a thing. I am so glad he was home to help me go through what has been one of the hardest events I have had to endure as a friend, I am glad he was here for me to help him. Together we are always stronger. Now I am going to go figure out some dinner sorry no real menu this week I will try to put one together next week. I want to spend some more time staring at my handsome man. Life is precious and unexpected so enjoy it while you can and pray when you can't!
Our thoughts and prayers are with Meagan, Ben and the entire K9 family.
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