It is ok to not be the one in control

"God wants to be a part of the life He has called us too." Taken from Kisses from Katie

One sentence that has been speaking volumes to me over the past couple of days. Sometimes I focus to much on the reason or the season and forget to focus on the One who put me there in the first place. I was not left to do it all on my own I am supposed to put my trust, my faith in God to completely rely on Him.

There are days where I am just running around in the dark saying God where are You? Why aren't You helping me? I feel lost! Lost in do it myself mode, lost in if I don't no one will, lost in the best one for the job is me, oh just plain lost! No patience, no break, no moment of silence and thanks. I just barrel through the day thinking whats next, come on bring it.

Why did I forget to turn on the light? Why don't I see He is right there, has been all along just waiting for me to invite Him in. Opening the door to let the smoke, the steam, the stench out of my life I realize God is right here where I left Him. Waiting knocking on my door just let me in Sarah! Let me fill you with peace, you can not do that yourself. Let me fill you with love, we already know yours is stretched to thin. Let me fill you with hope, your future is so much brighter through My eyes.

I take a step back and the Lord walks right in. He sees my mess, He sees my life, the burnt out crusty parts, the dirty yucky muddy parts, the crappy parts too and everything that I have broken trying to do it all on my own. God grabs the mop, rolls up His sleeves and starts to clean. Carefully, gently, nice and slow. Sometimes I quickly try to shoo Him back out no, no Lord you can not do this, I have it, I can do it.  My cleaning just does not work. I can not fix my life on my own. Every time I have tried I have failed. Every time God has worked so hard I start to see the shine beneath the dirt and start to think oh this is easy I can take it from here, I just dirty it all up again.

Why is it so easy to forget that God wants to be by my side? All I have to do is ask and He will fix the broken, simmer but not burn, grow roses where I had mud and leave my life beautiful the way He planned it to be. I should keep Him close in the good times and in the bad. My faith is so pitiful, so small. Mustard seeds and mountains the building blocks of faith meet stone and mole hills my heart and everything I think I have accomplished with it.

As for me I am nothing without Him some day I hope to realize that before I hit the bottom and have to crawl my way out. I also need to remember I do not need to crawl out! My deepest pit is only an arm stretch to God and He is always ready to lift me out. God is answering my prayers, He is washing my face clean each morning as the sun shines new reminding me of His mercy.

His plans are so much more then my plans. My plans have endings, His plans are full of beginnings and they never end. In Ephesians Paul writes of a love that surpasses knowledge. God's love we can not even fully understand it. Paul writes of God's ability He is able to do more then we could ever ask or imagine our greatest hopes our biggest dreams do not even come close to what God is capable of doing in our lives. God made us for a reason He had a plan for us long before He put the stars in the sky. He wants to be a part of our lives a part of our plans and as He becomes a part of our plan it changes into His plan. In His plan we accomplish so much more!

Heavenly Father I humbly come before you asking forgiveness. I keep trying to take over, to take control, to understand. Fix me and clean me. Make the desires of Your heart the desires that You have for me, the desires of my own heart Lord. Fill me with Your spirit, Your love, Your peace. Guide me and stand beside me help me as I follow Your plan on this journey called life. Amen

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