The MOM-tude
I am sure you have heard the saying "The mom sets the mood of the house" right?
I think most people have. I heard it long before I was ever a mom, long before I was ever a wife actually and have found it to be very true. If you are happy, cheerful and kind the rest of the family is sure to follow.
I remember a time in our marriage actually right at the beginning of it when Brent and I were really struggling. I made up my mind not to give up but he was still not so sure we would make it. Thinking about that saying I decided I wanted a loving marriage attitude and made a point to tell Brent I loved him every day no matter what. At first he thought I was just a little crazier then he had thought the day previous but after awhile he started to say I love you back. It did not fix our marriage overnight by just saying those three words but it did help set us on the right path. It is a path we are still walking on today. The path to a perfect marriage is one where it is the journey that counts and not the destination so we are in no hurry to get there, we are just enjoying the adventures the path brings.
I admit that there were times in our marriage that I failed to say I love you. I let hurt, anger and bitterness take over my desire to love my husband and be loved by him. The memories of those times are so dark I am amazed that we made it through. I am even more amazed at where we stand today. Not only am I married to a man who loves me, I am married to a man who loves God. I am seeing growth in our lives where bare patches had been for years.
We recently attended a marriage conference called the Art of Marriage where we realized that communication was a major problem for us. Who knew that for the past ten years we had been doing our best to avoid talking to each other! Ok, I am being a bit sarcastic there. The truth is we were great at talking at each other but we had never really mastered being able to talk to each other in a way that created understanding, in a way that was productive in anyway what so ever. It is not easy learning how to communicate with your spouse, but it is worth it.
I am getting down the art of listen first and then take some time to cool off and process what he said so that I can go back to him talk it out (not yell) and understand him better without making him feel attacked and put up a defense. My knee jerk reaction has always been to get hurt and feel mad, stew over it for months, avoid talking to Brent about it and then tell someone else all of my hurts and frustrations over the matter while expecting Brent to just figure out what my problem is with a decision he had made or something he had said/done months ago.
Having my avoid confrontation at all costs attitude meant I was avoiding communication with the one person I should have been talking to all along. Running to my friends and family and sharing my hurts and frustrations with them just set me up for tearing down the one man I should be lifting up. I was being counter productive thinking that by avoiding confrontation I was ultimately saving us from a destructive fight then I was just throwing us under the bus by talking about it with other people.
By taking the time to let the steam come out of my ears and then going calmly to Brent asking questions, gaining understanding and explaining my take on the matter our relationship has blossomed. It is a work in progress. Some days there is no steam off time needed, other days I end up stewed into a funk. My biggest focus right now is to not run out but to run into my Heavenly Fathers arms in prayer and then into my husbands arms for understanding.
It is funny as I sit here looking at everything I have just written I keep thinking this is not at all what I planned on writing! I had this cute little story to share that has been on my mind for the past couple of days yet I end up sharing all of this. I really hope that it helps someone and I will share my cute little story another day.
I think most people have. I heard it long before I was ever a mom, long before I was ever a wife actually and have found it to be very true. If you are happy, cheerful and kind the rest of the family is sure to follow.
I remember a time in our marriage actually right at the beginning of it when Brent and I were really struggling. I made up my mind not to give up but he was still not so sure we would make it. Thinking about that saying I decided I wanted a loving marriage attitude and made a point to tell Brent I loved him every day no matter what. At first he thought I was just a little crazier then he had thought the day previous but after awhile he started to say I love you back. It did not fix our marriage overnight by just saying those three words but it did help set us on the right path. It is a path we are still walking on today. The path to a perfect marriage is one where it is the journey that counts and not the destination so we are in no hurry to get there, we are just enjoying the adventures the path brings.
I admit that there were times in our marriage that I failed to say I love you. I let hurt, anger and bitterness take over my desire to love my husband and be loved by him. The memories of those times are so dark I am amazed that we made it through. I am even more amazed at where we stand today. Not only am I married to a man who loves me, I am married to a man who loves God. I am seeing growth in our lives where bare patches had been for years.
We recently attended a marriage conference called the Art of Marriage where we realized that communication was a major problem for us. Who knew that for the past ten years we had been doing our best to avoid talking to each other! Ok, I am being a bit sarcastic there. The truth is we were great at talking at each other but we had never really mastered being able to talk to each other in a way that created understanding, in a way that was productive in anyway what so ever. It is not easy learning how to communicate with your spouse, but it is worth it.
I am getting down the art of listen first and then take some time to cool off and process what he said so that I can go back to him talk it out (not yell) and understand him better without making him feel attacked and put up a defense. My knee jerk reaction has always been to get hurt and feel mad, stew over it for months, avoid talking to Brent about it and then tell someone else all of my hurts and frustrations over the matter while expecting Brent to just figure out what my problem is with a decision he had made or something he had said/done months ago.
Having my avoid confrontation at all costs attitude meant I was avoiding communication with the one person I should have been talking to all along. Running to my friends and family and sharing my hurts and frustrations with them just set me up for tearing down the one man I should be lifting up. I was being counter productive thinking that by avoiding confrontation I was ultimately saving us from a destructive fight then I was just throwing us under the bus by talking about it with other people.
By taking the time to let the steam come out of my ears and then going calmly to Brent asking questions, gaining understanding and explaining my take on the matter our relationship has blossomed. It is a work in progress. Some days there is no steam off time needed, other days I end up stewed into a funk. My biggest focus right now is to not run out but to run into my Heavenly Fathers arms in prayer and then into my husbands arms for understanding.
It is funny as I sit here looking at everything I have just written I keep thinking this is not at all what I planned on writing! I had this cute little story to share that has been on my mind for the past couple of days yet I end up sharing all of this. I really hope that it helps someone and I will share my cute little story another day.
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